Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
organizing the empties. That sober.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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