Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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