Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
