The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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