clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
