When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
