i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He kissed a someone with a penis
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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