Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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