I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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