I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
