a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
