make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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