I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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