Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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