I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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