my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
