What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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