You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
