oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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