wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
