Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
