I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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