Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
