she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
