Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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