What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
