i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
