about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
