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They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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