can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
