I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
