You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This girl is more easily done than said...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
