Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
