U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
