u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
