I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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