did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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