my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
