hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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