So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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