im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
