This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
