I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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