she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
