Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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