mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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