She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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