Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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