she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
