you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize