i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
