You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
