Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
