Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize