in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize