no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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