Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I forget how to act sober
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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