Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
