she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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