and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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