I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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