He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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