Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
