I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
