There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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