My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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