Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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