I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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