this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Life is so much better after having sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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