He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
