what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please come you make the beer taste better
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
