Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
