everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
