i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
