and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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