Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
