As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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