Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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