and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
