Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
