Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
