Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
True strength comes from lack of pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
