The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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