It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
