those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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