i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
