I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
